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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641372">all i wanted.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilvibes/pseuds/devilvibes'>devilvibes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Childhood Friends, Drinking, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Musician Semi Eita, Pining, Unrequited Love, bokuto kuroo tsukki sakusa semi are in a rock band, college student shirabu kenjirou, how do u tag, pls send help, semi had four exes already, semi has great taste in music, semi is drenched in rain, semi is kinda dumb, shirabu is kinda a meanie, suga is semi's ex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:09:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641372</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilvibes/pseuds/devilvibes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shirabu Kenjirou was aware that Semi Eita did not look at him the same way he did, but that did not stop him from loving him for seven years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Former Relationship - Relationship, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Semi Eita/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all i wanted.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shirabu Kenjirou and Semi Eita had known each other since they were little kids. Their mothers were best friends in high school, so it didn’t take long for them to get along right away. Both of them were still learning how to speak when they realized that they were best friends already.</p><p>Although Semi was a year older than Shirabu, that wasn’t a problem for either of them. It even had an advantage—Semi had no problem in helping Shirabu understand the lessons he had a hard time with. They watched each other grow up and they were basically inseparable. They went to the same school from pre-school until high school.</p><p>It was when Shirabu was in his second year of high school and Semi was in his last did Shirabu realize that he had feelings for him. He fell in love with how Semi was so sweet and sometimes a dumbass because he was too dense, how he was so helpful to him, how he made him smile and laughed when he was down, how he made him happy, how he talked about music with utmost passion and his eyes gleaming at the thought of achieving his goals, and many more.</p><p>They separated ways in college, but that didn’t stop Shirabu from still liking him. They hung out, still, because their universities were in the same district; though they got to know more people.</p><p>Shirabu continued to support and care for Semi, despite sounding so uninterested with his activities all the time. He was always there for him—never missed a gig of his band, PENTA5LE (Pentacle), helped him with his math homeworks, became his shoulder to cry on. He tried his best to keep his feelings for him hidden all those years and he was successful.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I finally got a girlfriend!” Semi happily chirped one day. He had an arm slung over his girlfriend’s shoulder. He had brought her to one of their hang-outs.</p><p>Those six words crushed his heart. His girlfriend was pretty—black hair, blue eyes, a petite build, and a cute smile. She was a campus crush, basically, and he was lucky that she had settled for him. She had a nice and sweet personality. She made girls and guys swoon over her. They’d make a cute couple. And Shirabu thought that he would never be able to compete with her. He was happy to see him happy, nonetheless, even if he wasn’t the one giving him happiness.</p><p>“Congratulations, I wish you two a happy and strong relationship.” Shirabu tried to stay as calm and monotone as possible. He didn’t want to sound like he was going to cry. “You two better take care of each other, all right?”</p><p>But after two months, they broke up. It hurt Semi so much because it was his first ever relationship, but Shirabu was there to comfort him. He told him that he will be fine and that there are better people out there. He was still young, anyways, so the chances of falling in love with more people who would bring him more pain were high.</p><p> </p><p>Semi entered his second relationship nine months after his first one. At first, he was scared to tell Shirabu that he had a new one. He still told him, anyways, because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep anything hidden from his best friend. Shirabu responded the same way he responded to the first one.</p><p>This relationship went on for half a year. It was toxic and annoying, Semi was obviously the only one making an effort in the relationship. They had even fought about it on several occasions, because Semi was too blind to see that he was already being manipulated.</p><p>Shirabu ended up breaking the relationship for him, who complained and cried about it.</p><p> </p><p>The third relationship seemed to be half-assed. Shirabu noticed how Semi didn’t put as much effort in the relationship as he did in his other relationships. He concluded that maybe it was because Semi was traumatized by the fact that he entered a toxic relationship in the past, so he didn’t want to give too much effort then feel unappreciated. He didn’t mind at all.</p><p> </p><p>That’s a total of three relationships.</p><p> </p><p>Semi, on the other hand, wondered why Shirabu never entered a relationship. He assumed that he might be scared of commitment, maybe he was uninterested, maybe he never felt attraction to anyone, or maybe he was too busy and focused on college because he was studying Medicine. He knew very well that Shirabu wasn’t really one to feel emotions, and he had always been studious.</p><p> </p><p>From a distance, Shirabu hated seeing Semi in pain. He watched him enter and leave the relationships, crying his heart out after every break-up, with Shirabu comforting him.</p><p>He’s in the same situation again. It’s now his fourth break-up. Semi’s crying about how his ex-boyfriend for four months dumped him last week. He’s asking him the same questions he usually asked after a break-up. Shirabu was tempted to kiss all his tears away and blurt out a half-meant “No homo, bro.” while telling him to shut the fuck up and declare how much he’s enough in his eyes, and that he’ll love him for who he was.</p><p>He also wanted to tell Semi that he was the one for him because he knew him so well. He’s willing to give everything he’d ask for. He knew what he particularly liked and wanted. He knew that he loved rock and indie bands. He knew that one of his greatest wishes was to see his favorite band perform live, maybe meet the members too, although that might be too far to reach. He knew that he liked going on daring dates, how he’d want to run away from the cops someday after committing crime at an ungodly hour, and how he liked to dip his strawberries in chocolate. Needless to say, he knew him from the tip of his head and down to the soles of his feet, from his skin and into his soul.</p><p>Although Shirabu was hurt seeing that Semi can’t love him the same way he does, he stayed with him through thick and thin. He did try to get rid of the feelings, tried to find someone else to love; but Semi was the only person he was willing to love.</p><p><em> It’s a pity,</em> as Goshiki would always tell him, because Shirabu had liked Semi for seven years by now, yet they never had any romantic connection whatsoever. Semi showed no signs of attraction to him. He was aware that he only saw him as a friend and he had accepted it already. He made a promise to himself that he’ll love him even in the afterlife because a smile from him is enough for him to live another day. He’d live to see him happy, even if he was happy with someone else that’s not him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you in the bar tonight, hm?” Semi smiles at the shorter male, ruffling the younger male’s hair.</p><p>Shirabu only chuckles as a response, feeling his cheeks warm up at the slightest touch from him. “Hm, yeah. Of course I’ll be there, I told you I’ll always be here to support you.” he utters, flashing a fake grin at him.</p><p> </p><p>Shirabu’s wearing a casual, black button-down polo with bright floral patterns. He left some top buttons unbuttoned, exposing little parts of his neck, where his gold necklaces hung, and his chest. He wore flat front shorts, which were light brown in color, and a darker shade of brown as a belt. His black sneakers matched the dominant color of his top. He looked cute, he thought.</p><p>He sat somewhere near the band area along with Yamaguchi, Kenma, Akaashi, and Ushijima, who were Tsukishima, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Sakusa (Semi's bandmates)’s boyfriends, respectively.</p><p>“Are you Semi’s boyfriend?” Kenma softly asks, eyes focused on his Android phone. He never saw him present in any of PENTA5LE’s practices.</p><p><em> God, I wish I were. </em> Shirabu wanted to respond, yet he only froze on the spot. “No, I’m just his best friend.” he denied the assumption in the nicest way possible.</p><p>The five of them conversed and drank throughout the night.</p><p> </p><p>As he looked around the bar, he met two familiar gray ones. He clenched his fists in an attempt to calm himself down.</p><p><em> No, not this again. I don’t want to see the man who hurt Semi, I might end up beating him up. </em> There’s rage rushing through Shirabu’s veins. <em> What the fuck was Semi’s ex, Sugawara Koushi, doing in here? Did he go to the bar to spite him on purpose? </em></p><p>He had disliked him even before he and Semi started dating, for no apparent reason at all. He just didn’t see the chemistry between them. And he feared that Semi was going to be hurt again.</p><p> </p><p>For tonight, Semi had five songs prepared. Before he climbed up the stage, Shirabu wished him “Good luck!” and offered a bunch of motivating words, which calmed his jitters down. He smiled about it for the night.</p><p>But as he reached the stage, Shirabu noticed how he stared at Sugawara in the crowd in shock because he didn’t even know that he was going to watch him tonight. Maybe it was a coincidence, but Shirabu doubted that. Semi’s band name was plastered on the large sign outside the bar, which listed the performing acts for tonight, so how could Sugawara not know his ex’s band name? He was sure that he had always been vocal about his love for music.</p><p> </p><p>Semi started off so calmly then proceeded to grow more aggressive as each song started to grow louder, as if he had pent-up frustrations and anger all throughout the night. He had covered The Neighbourhood’s Daddy Issues, Cigarettes After Sex’s Heavenly, and Chase Atlantic’s Hit My Line and Swim, at this point. His last performance was Paramore.</p><p><em> “All I wanted was you.” </em> he sang the series of riffs from Paramore’s “All I Wanted”. He eyed Sugawara, then Shirabu to see how he would react, but he seemed to be spacing out. He was too busy to notice how he looked at him, thinking about how he’ll fight his ex. He was listening, though.</p><p>It impressed Shirabu—how Semi didn’t even change the original notes to fit his vocal range better. There are chills creeping all over his body as his best friend hits the high notes one-by-one with his fingers strumming so roughly on his electric bass. He could feel the pain and anger Semi wanted to convey through his vocals. He felt his chest tighten like he was being suffocated by an invisible entity and a sharp sting to his heart like he was being stabbed mercilessly. He wanted to cry right then and there, let out all his bottled-up unhappy emotions, but he couldn’t do so in fear that Semi might notice and ask him what was wrong. He’d end up lying to his <em> best friend </em>, who had been so oblivious to his feelings since day one, even if he didn’t want to.</p><p>But he would have to.</p><p>Shirabu constantly asked himself how long he’d have to lie about his feelings to Semi, and most importantly, to himself. He won’t survive life by simply lying on a daily basis. He won’t be happy.</p><p>“Are you okay, Shirabu? Are you cold? You’re shaking.” Ushijima worriedly asked, pushing a glass of water nearer to the copper-haired boy.</p><p>He feels like there’s a lump on his throat, “Y-Yeah, all good.” he sniffled, chugging down the glass of water non-stop.</p><p>Yamaguchi and Kenma looked at him worriedly.</p><p> </p><p>After Semi and his band performed the last song, Sugawara was quick to pull Semi to a quiet corner in the bar. It made Shirabu jealous as he watched the two of them converse, but who was he to be jealous? It wasn’t like he was his boyfriend or anything.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Semi coldly asked.</p><p>“I wanted to talk to you.” Sugawara responded.</p><p>“You could have called me, Koushi. We could have formally met up somewhere instead of unexpectedly showing up like this, especially after a break-up.”</p><p>“I know, yeah, I’m sorry. But I wanted to explain the reason why I left you, Semi.” he started, but Semi simply looked at him in confusion. “You’re in love with another person while in the relationship. I was shocked when I heard that you cried about our break-up because I didn’t think you took the relationship seriously. You may have loved me, but it wasn’t genuine. You subconsciously talked about Shirabu all the time, and I didn’t mind much because he was your best friend, but it got to the point wherein it seemed like you were in love with him more than you were with me. I wanted you to realize that you would be much happier with him more than you would be with me, or any other person in this world. I also didn’t want to become a rebound. I’ll tell you directly—you have feelings for Shirabu, you’re just denying it.”</p><p>It took a while for Semi to process everything Sugawara had said. And it’s true, he had realized. He had always thought of Shirabu whenever he spent the most intimate moments with his exes, wishing that it was him by his side instead. He did love his exes back then, but a part of him had always felt empty whenever he spent time with them. Plus, he always found himself running back to his best friend—the person he had always wanted to spend the rest of his life with—when a problem arises.</p><p>He loves Shirabu. He loves how he cared so much for him, how he’d support him when no one else would, how he’d listen to him blabber about anything, how he could make him happy by just simply gracing him with his mere presence, how he’s so smart with all his advices, and how he was always available for him. He loved everything about him.</p><p>“Thank you for this, Suga.”</p><p>“No problem. Good luck with him, okay? I hope he likes you too.” Sugawara gave him a pat on the back and a small smile.</p><p>Semi proceeded to search for Shirabu all around the bar so he could possibly talk to him, but Yamaguchi said that he had already left.</p><p> </p><p>Shirabu avoided Semi the day after that. He missed and declined his calls on purpose. He didn’t text him back, even if the older male had sent him a hundred messages. He needed a break from Semi, he realized. It’s time to move on from this stupid, silly crush he had. He didn’t know what he was doing. He felt stupid for acting this way. He felt bad.</p><p>But on the other hand, Semi felt utterly worried, so he decided to drop by Shirabu’s house at 1 am in the morning. He had biked all the way to his best friend’s abode despite the pouring rain. He didn’t mind if he’d get sick afterwards, he just wanted to check if Shirabu was still alive. His best friend had never ignored him in the past, even if they had fought. Semi didn’t even know what he did wrong for him to ignore him like this.</p><p>He flung his bicycle onto the sidewalk before he aggressively knocked onto Shirabu’s door. “Kenjirou? Kenjirou, it’s me, Semi. I’m worried about you, please tell me you’re still alive.”</p><p>Shirabu was, thankfully, still awake at this time, otherwise Semi would have broken his door. He peeped at his window to see a soaked Semi. He wanted to refuse him and simply go to sleep, but he knows he can’t leave him to suffer under the rain <em> because he loves him </em>. </p><p>He opened the door and muttered, “Did I invite you to my house, Semi? I don’t remember sending you a text especially at 1 am, huh.” he scrolled through his phone.</p><p>“N-No, but thank—thank fuck, you’re still alive. I was worried shitless. You never ignored my calls nor texts no matter how busy you got.” he entered Shirabu’s house. He was panting, while his clothes were drenched in rain.</p><p>
  <em> Liar. Are you really worried about me? </em>
</p><p>“Have you been avoiding me, Kenjirou, or are you just busy? You could have texted me that you were busy and I would have fucked off.”</p><p><em> Oh, so he had noticed. </em> “Has it been obvious?” Shirabu lifelessly responded.</p><p>“What was obvious?”</p><p><em> You dumbshit, stop acting dumb. </em> Shirabu mentally rolled his eyes.  “Change your clothes and dry yourself first, then we’ll talk. I don’t want you to get sick. Go to the bathroom and I’ll give you your spare clothes here and a towel.”</p><p>Semi did as told. He stayed in the bathroom, while Shirabu picked up his extra clothes he had left in his room the last time he had a sleepover in his house. He handed Semi his spare clothes and a towel, then patiently waited for him on his couch.</p><p>After a few minutes, Semi left the bathroom and sat across Shirabu in the living room. The atmosphere was too awkward for their own liking, so Shirabu started to speak.</p><p>“Yeah, I was ignoring you because I saw you talking to Sugawara last night. I know it’s a petty thing to bitch on about, but,” he took a deep breath. “I like you, Semi—wait, no, scratch that, <em> I love you </em>, for seven years now. I loved everything about you, and I don’t think I could ever stop doing so. I made a promise to myself that I’ll love you even in the afterlife. I had always seen you more than just a friend. It never faded away, no matter how much I tried, because I kept convincing myself that I was the one for you, that I should be the one taking care of you instead of those dumbfucks who can’t even treat you right. Did they know the littlest things about you? How you’d like it when you brush your fingers through their hair? How you’d love it if they stayed up until 3 am, listening to sappy, cheesy love songs with you? How you’d like personalized gifts and playlists dedicated to you more than expensive gifts? How you’d wish to have someone watch musicals with you? Would they even listen to your on-the-spot songs the same way I would? Would they even let you sing them to sleep? Would they help you write lyrics? Do they know that your favorite popsicle flavor was green apple, and hated banana the most? Did any of them even know that you can’t fall asleep at night if you didn’t wear any socks on? You tell me, Semi, would they love, support, and care for you the same way I would? Why do you always run back to me after everything? It pained me to see you in pain in every relationship you had, because I was so sure that I’ll be the only one who can treat you right!” he cried out.</p><p>“You know, those were three words I’ve always wanted to hear from you.” Semi says. “I was scared that you never saw me the same way I did. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship too, and you always seemed so uninterested in me. When I blabbered about my relationships, you never cared and brushed me off all the time. I thought I was over you when I dated Koushi, but he told me that I subconsciously blabbered about you when he went to the club two nights ago. I realized everything, Shirabu. I love you like you love me, maybe not as long as you have, but thank you for making me happy and I’m sorry f-”</p><p>Shirabu didn’t let him finish. He rose from his seat and proceeded to press a soft kiss on his lips, “Shut up, you’re just a dense fucking idiot.”</p><p>“Correction, I’m your dense fucking idiot.” Semi replied. “Kiss me again.”</p><p>Shirabu complied. It felt nice—having Shirabu’s lips pressed up against his. It’s like they had wanted to kiss each other for so long already. Semi was aggressive, though, he had an arm wrapped around the other's waist and he pulled him towards him so that Shirabu straddled him. His hand cupped one side of Shirabu’s cheek as they passionately kissed. “I love you, Shirabu Kenjirou.” he whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Now, they were huddled up in Shirabu’s bed. Semi had never felt this happy his entire life. He had his arms wrapped around the younger male’s body, pulling him closer to him. Shirabu lied on top of him and rested his head on his chest, listening to their matching heartbeats.</p><p>“I have loved you since we were eighteen,” Semi sang softly in Shirabu’s ear. “Long before we both thought the same thing, to be loved and to be in love.”</p><p>He planted a kiss on Shirabu’s forehead, “I’m so happy to be with you, my sunshine.”</p><p>And with that, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.</p>
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